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Moi et vous

Parlez-moi devous, votre vieet votre amant-- qui a été écritcomme un romand'épaisseur,
dis-moi tout, maisl'avenir, car il estvague etinvisible,je sais, cette histoires'est terminéepour moiet vous, donc jevous écrisceci pourcontinuer  les siens.






p/s: I don't know if this sounds right in French but I purposely wrote it this way so the message will not appear to be that obvious ;p

Fragile sometimes

Words refuse to form into sentence
on its own, the whole thing remain still
but the ticking continues breaking the silence
twenty-six minutes after eleven

I may be fragile sometimes--
you know me well enough
I'm a shield of my own weakness--
I won't let you see it though
shadows will you find if it's me you're looking for

I'm stepping on my fears--
though I may be fragile sometimes.



I might be fine

I might be fine, I might be my mind tell me so, I might be fine, today you've taught me how, to be fine or maybe it's just on my mind, today days may forget me, life may leave me but all I'm going to be is fine, and I will be fine, just fine, feel fine, yes I can I'll be fine today I want to let you know, that I will for hundred years in this fine, be mine watch me, as I feel free and just be fine
today.

Emily and The Woods - Steal His Heart

I'll cherish that moment

Sometimes I can't help my self  from hiding don't you know? To be invisible is not a trick I can do
Sometimes I can't run towards the exit no matter how hard I've tried facing the arch by the time I'm writing this
Sometimes I want to be the rain instead of to stare at the sky, waiting I'm not doing it anymore
Sometimes all I need is to just being me
Smiling in a sleep after a long night of sadness I'll cherish that moment till the end of time.


I've wrote them all

It was a nightmare with a few details and a blurred vision words come to mind not well formed but scattered
why is it so true and make sense inside yet like a fool it sounds to explain those words from a dream or a nightmare as you call it whether to die for or to live for a question to ponder upon, merely arts those words are abstract with infinite meanings and so let them be.
I've wrote them all and will write them all again.






In search of a lost time

It takes a month of non-stop rainy days
twenty nine cups of white coffee
eleven boxes of dark chocolate
and two plain handkerchiefs to get me here;

Singing as I was catching a few smiles
hiding in between sweet dreams and happy thoughts
when a single 'fine' keeps my world go 'round
to a complex question of 'how are you?'
Blank sheets of nothing much
to write about or to draw about
were left crumbled all over the floor
when 'today's weather report', if any
sounds better in the newspaper

The time when I
was not me but someone else
right when he was
nothing more than a nobody

Rewind, reset... forget.


Knowing you is...

It was a mistake

If night is always like this
even breathing feels so wrong
and silent itself makes no difference
and of all noises there are
why can I only hear your voice
creating a mental image of you of which fake happiness awaits me

I'm not this person
this is not how I usually am

If knowing's a mistake, pardon me, I don't want to
Since to know is just a big mistake
please, take them all away.


Just for this once

I wish I could walk alone at the beach tonight
where the moon is
though the world will be there too staring
I'll be fine wrapping my self with both hands
and serenity is the only music playing
I won't say a word, not even to my self
for this once, I'll just listen
the waves, the wind, the birds, the entire night
maybe I should start looking at the world
then only it won't be staring at me anymore
but for this very special moment
I'll give it an excuse for now

At times like this
can I just
disappear for a while...?


Haven't noticed... yet

I'm sorry, keep you waiting we never met, I never talked to you
I'm sorry, to not knowing you you never there when I wish upon a star and I, all I need is time
I haven't noticed you the one I thought I knew the time you're here, or disappear in my head and even if you see me from your dream and you believe me in this life I can't be there, I can't be there
It's life, like this it's love, like this if we are meant to be, and it's our destiny just have to wait and see
It's life, like this it's love, like this the reason thing's this way 'cause I haven't noticed you... yet.


p/s: another song that I wrote

To look at the moon

Out of thousands of stars out there
why is that moon so appealing to me
standing from here looking at it
as if it is reachable by hand

I'm just looking from far
would it be fine if I just look?
To look at the bright moon
the brightly shining moon
without wanting to reach it
without wanting to keep it
just standing here looking
from far, I'm just looking
would it be fine if I just look?




Life like a painted wall

To end a life like a painted wall
white as it was then
to now has become a mural
for each passing soul after another
walking in reverse as their heart went
as also how their mind goes
and go though are facing ahead
in denial of secrets and lies
with eyes closed of probable depressed
hiding what thought's convey
or glancing a little after a step away
where possibilities have no ends
life itself has more to offer
to rebuild or lost all the dreams
words are powerless of changing the whole
so voiced a heart in any way possible
but let the old wall forever be white.

Sweet little lie

Pale life and gray colourless days sleepless nights stretch of imagination can't hide sweet little lie "life is perfect" absurd for truth hope grows tiny dew of evening replace the old fill up this soon to be  perfect world.

Right before the storm

Unless the storm can wash away the past this isn't worth a wait, not another second
looking up, the sky is all dark clouds
only a message left before this chapter ends
though unspoken, don't hold a sentence untell

To have come this far, giving up was an option
but I'm here, then I'm not
without chances, how can one keep breathing
but I'm here, then I am

The waiting of tomorrow leaves us no joy
somehow we've lost it along the way
should've read those signs
shouldn't have said that line just walking towards you in the sea of people
towards another misery that life may bring
I want to stop walking, if only I could
but I'm not being my self then if really I did

In the centre of where my heart should be  there, where I should be with a memory that lasts no one really knows if now it's over
just keep on believing that it is.



Numbers can't make me grow

Sorry sorry keep you waiting outside my window it's raining raining down it's pouring no hand can stop it call my name one more time or I'll forget about you time is ticking, days are watching us drifting away from yesterday
Can I be the sticker on your closet? I'll do nothing but writing my own story
I'm still young and numbers can't make me grow now is not the only moment for I have plenty more promises of tomorrow are up there floating randomly undiscovered lies will keep on pretending so listen; life is new to me, my world may not be yours just rub off those dotted lines so millions can be one I'd rather walk than running without directions what am I running from is definitely a good question
Time may grow old on you but not me when night is leaving, I want to still be young.

One thought after another

why is it so cold tonight? i should have told him the right thing earlier this story will no longer be the same, is it raining over there by now? it is pouring over here but so quiet inside, where is my black cat at time like this i forgot to feed him dinner and so he left, what will this life be if all the paintings are blue? i remember hanging mine on the wall perfect is not the right choice of word, maybe i should use white instead.
why is it so cold here?

Love you like a love song

In love, a heart is as pure, as fragile, as beautiful as the blue sky as the evening rain touches the skin if only there's a more decent way to describe this unfold this sign, the unread message the same song that goes on and on playing through my head repeatedly every beautiful thought has been written every road of this journey has been marked beautifully aligned, beautifully spread ahead to the symphony of sentimental, poetical, lyrical and anything that rhymes with 'magical' or 'not real'
Is it so difficult to see between the obvious black and white?


Firefly fly away

Firefly
why am I so, drawn to you
firefly
you and I have nothing new, to tell

Dear firefly, why am I
can't take my eyes away from you
thought that I can be just like you
lighting up the nights I've went through

Lovely firefly, don't deny
that I am nothing but a dream around you
wishing for a life beside you
gone and disappear and blown away, so afraid
to leave you
please take me along with you.


Dreams are..

Like mirrors dreams are
left scattered, the broken ones
into pieces, with hundreds of 'me'
into dust, until no eyes can see
silently, it kills the only heart
leaving behind the reflections of
yesterdays memories, unbearable
so long as eyes can see, it remains
so far as one can run, it's there
like scars, like shadows
like the dark sky in my world
it is above me
and above another dream I built.

Don't wake me up

If I am still sleeping, please don't wake me up please don't breathe a word even if you are there in this counting of days, please leave though the darkness of this room suffocating me with or without a mask you'll probably won't notice me tell them that yesterdays never exist and that the one you knew is no more alive like the dying roses, may those memories be let the dried petals fall gracefully leaving us no scent
Before this long cold night is over if I open my eyes in the middle of it would I be able to sleep again..?

I have forgotten

Last night's wind still linger a cold morning and the sun is hiding, again " I have forgotten" is a lie I'm living in a shelter to a strong soul yet I'm not to a lovely sound, I'll close my eyes and smile I'd rather stay here than in your warm presence and tell you another lie "I have forgotten" don't ask me when, how or why I couldn't answer that, for it's only a lie a blunder of clumsiness chokes me as I say it in a whisper of a shaking voice though you'll notice that I fake it but if , just if you should seek me I would probably tell you "I have forgotten".




Sound of silence music

Closing the doors behind me just like you said, finding silence is impossible there will always be noises of voices within you a whisper after another... after another... after another walking barefoot with faded happiness not minding the thorns and the broken stones so afraid to say a word and would rather die than saying goodbyes
Those doors were left open uncounted days and nights have passed in a stranger's land where nobody knows trying to remember all the forgottens that are slowly departing away as time goes by the only memory that I now have is the unclear sound of silence music.



Painting a smile and the future

Grab a paint brush stand right infront of an empty canvas with a stack of ruined paintings on the side all messed up the first time it's over but it's starting again, uncounted
What is it going to be this time..? A smile or the future..? A simple note on that tiny table 'love and hope' pick it up stick it on the wall and have a last look at it "I have a good feeling about this"

There's a rainbow in her smile

They say a tough guy shouldn't cry;
Someone left a card written 'congratulations' on the front cover alone in a quiet room, with confetti all over the place he was there crying his heart out last night
There's a rainbow in her smile, and that is priceless to him
But there's another life outside, white flowers blooming under the bright round moon while crickets singing happily together
This is life.


A flower with deep roots

I'm not crying anymore, no I'm not even if I am now, I'll stop and wipe the tears away even if I have to, or the dry wind force me to I'll pause and take a deep breath and will not let it flow will hurt even more if I do
I'll be a flower instead with deep roots on a wide field of grass and the only tears that I know will come down from the sky and not from my eyes.


Awake for nothing

I just leave the phone there then it stopped ringing, the cloud is so dark outside, I can barely hear the sound of water dripping on the floor from  my window
Suddenly it started ringing again, I let it there startle for awhile before picking it up not to answer the call but to hit the reject button
There's no name on the list only numbers the one that I memorized
It's three in the morning still awake only for this.

Writing my heart away like this

Writing my heart away like this humming the melody along with the sound of your old white guitar sitting on a table dreaming away like this to another world another angle from where I look at as I close my eyes listening to your boring story of yesterday's weather news I said nothing, only laughing spending away the whole day like this ending it with a cup of tea and a diary to write on simply like this.





Edward Gray by Tennyson

Some highlighted points from the poem;
"Shy she was, and I thought her cold; Thought her proud, and fled over the sea; Fill'd I was with folly and spite, When Ellen Adair was dying for me. "Cruel, cruel the words I said! Cruelly came they back to-day: 'You're too slight and fickle,' I said, 'To trouble the heart of Edward Gray'. "There I put my face in the grass-- Whisper'd, 'Listen to my despair: I repent me of all I did: Speak a little, Ellen Adair!' "Then I took a pencil, and wrote On the mossy stone, as I lay, 'Here lies the body of Ellen Adair; And here the heart of Edward Gray!' "Bitterly wept I over the stone: Bitterly weeping I turn'd away; There lies the body of Ellen Adair! And there the heart of Edward Gray!"

To have a life like this

A treasure box hidden under a tree is so valuable for one soul unfortunately not for another
Looking for the sun late at night maybe the moon is not enough to continue living a life like this, like now
To just sitting here waiting for nobody reminiscing those days may bring tears or smile still, bittersweet memories stay somehow
If it's only for a few months or a few days or a few seconds it doesn't matter to have a life is more precious than having a world
When someone should be forgotten, then it should be

To have a life like this,
then forgive me.


Words are all I have

There are times when I thought I was invisible but I'm not, looking back at it realize that I'm chained to the past, no waves nor wind could set me free, one more, I told my self let me have it one more of those heart breaking days, so that another page of my diary is filled up with words, just words
That's all I need, and it's all I have.

Lovely

Just like how a simple melody can make one smile that's just the way how I feel right now, can you draw a single line between life and death? Even if you can't will feeling regret is just enough? I refuse to let it be put it in a vase and keep it lovely, remembering flowers' names like Roses and Lillies and somehow I did for yours too, although slowly someday it will fades away same as what happened to pen marks on my palm.
I may count this one as lovely but there's other thing that I think is so too the very one a heart would keep lovely as it is and so do you.

Will it be the same

If I stay for another second, will it still be the same? If I can set it free why can't I just walk away now
What else to write about, should I wait for another day? Will this feeling be the same or no longer stay?
If I catch the wind, will time stop and wait for me?

Time flies

In one sitting I'll write thousands of words little did I know that those words are rhythm to my heart colors to my memories but it means nothing, probably nothing at all to another person next to me
In one sitting, just one I'll write sentence by sentence little did I know that today I'll become a poet a writer in my own way although still it means nothing probably nothing at all to another person next to me
Time do flies should I fly along with her then..?



I'm 'here', for now

My expectation in life is not for it to occur less dramatic than this... cuz I guess, the more dramatic it gets, the better for me to learn things my way... twisted isn't it? Hope yours is less complicated than mine. Here comes another chapter...



I'm going to sing it out loud, for now
and dance along to the melody of my own guitar

I'll read all the poems I wrote to you, for now
and write a new one every second of everyday

I'm not suppose to love you, but I am, for now
until the time when my heart is no longer exist

I want to stay in love this way, for now
for as long as this feeling will last in me.



Royal for a princess

To drink a glass of water at the balcony overlooking the far away sea  while the sun is on its way to settle down
Holding the breath and just watch as it happens.
This is nothing like a dream, this is nothing like a wish, this is how we see the life.
Royal for a princess, ordinary for someone like me.





An old shoebox

A little brown bear with its white ribbon small enough to fit inside a shoebox, a card shaped of a heart written 'dear love' with three dots before the words continue, two wooden key-chains made in China one was a gift to another person  and two diaries pink and red both with no endings or whatsoever.
Not much, the leftovers hidden in an old shoebox
with Japanese font written nicely on a very top of a giant closet there I kept it safe a collection of faded memories untouched and forgotten.





La la song

Those turtle doves dear oh dear one for you and I'll keep one for me for this time around we'll be on a long journey so now start counting the falling snow from above and the wrinkles on your smile
Don't you know? I was there on a swing singing the song staring at your blue shoes floating in the sky jumping over the puffy clouds
just like in fairy tales
although the ends are predictable

Dreaming, I knew I was in between these two realities staircases to my way back home
when the going gets tough
remind me again oh please
that it's gonna be alright
maybe not now, but for tomorrow I'll wait Those turtle doves someday will see each other again by the time the one in your closet and the other pair on my table find their way to get here
Can't explain how, let alone the whys
even so, until then lets sing it another time
this la la song again tonight.

Only with...

With care,  I'm writing you these rose-scented words by the window watching the moon
With joy, those words turned into purple butterflies flying around you keeping you safe and warm
With blessings, I wish night and day will always bring a smile for you to get through every rough season
And with love, may this wonderful person in my life find peace and happiness and forever stays in a place within my heart.



Greatest Love OST by G.na

This is only for now. I will recharge and have my full energy back on track soon... aja aja!


download this song here :)



White curtains

The softly blowing wind outside...  gone or  maybe, it has turned into a storm when right now this is what I see in this state of mind
A sudden change in the air, tonight is a stormy night Knocking sounds on the door kills the silent of nothingness as if somebody is so desperate to get in
White curtains waving at the windows some are wet so I shut them all, when it's raining why does my heart feels the same
The thunders and lightnings scare me but I could feel the cool breeze brushes my face, still the heart keeps thumping faster and faster
It's pouring tonight, I'm all by myself.

Never

I wrote a song that day out of nowhere





I never want, I never told you to walk away even the time on when it comes I don't know what to say I keep missing you and all I do are just insane
I never want I never told you to let it go even the time on when it comes I don't even know I keep running and running away but wait...
I never told you that I like you so and we are meant to be just like the moon and the night never thought that I would found you, thought that I would love you caught me from the look in your eyes I never count on you to love me more than I do 'cause I know that I am just a friend I wish that you would know and that you would love me so to end this fairytale part of me but you never will

Never stop running from yesterday never thought to hide it away from you hear me now, I will tell you how I feel
 ***
I wish that you would know and that you would love me so to end this fairytale part of me but I never count on you to love me more than I do 'cause I k…

Conversations with the past

Should we talk about it in the mid-spring air? will it make any difference or will the thumping heart stop? Should we talk about it tonight? By where the shallow river flows through a landscape filled with flowers will this make it sounds better and will the heart stop aching? Today I am now still having conversations with the past even if it's not during the spring season or by the flowing river.


I Hope Your Love is Always Happy

An instrumental music by By Jun











I hope your love is always happy.
Although you and I have parted,
It must be just that our destinies didn't meet
I hope you'll meet someone nice...
Since you're a really good person, no matter who you're with.
Since you were too good for me..
I hope a love that's worthy of you will find you..
I hope your love is always happy.
Do you know?
You're beautiful when you smile.
I may occasionally cry, because I miss you.
But.. I hope you'll always smile
I hope you'll always be happy.





This lullaby

At a place where a soul is sinking down in his lullaby a place where the birds and the bees meet somewhere on the other side of that far away rainbow where I'll be busy counting the colours when she forgets to wake me up for her desire she went
The dawn has just begun lonely as the night
At a place where the falling rain drops are her tears freezing cold as it touches my face  somewhere on the other side of this dream another day, another time here we'll meet again.






Before you leave...

Seems that seasons have passed, wish I could go back to November, don't know what else to say, so I...
rolling my pen back and forth, switching the songs from one to another, staring at the street lights outside, kicking my right foot twice, flipping blank pages of this note book, scratching my forehead wondering what to write next? 'cause now I, lost my words.
But before you leave, I'm swallowing my pride close my eyes take a deep breath to tell you honestly that...
I love you.